


Disappear

by Sabis_dream_world



Series: Merlin's Magic Reveals [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Era, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Magic Revealed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 11:25:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16618067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabis_dream_world/pseuds/Sabis_dream_world
Summary: A sorcerer curses Merlin's magic to go wild, which leads to Merlin disappearing for a significant amount of time. How will everyone deal?





	Disappear

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd. Written in one go, with a headache and unedited. So we'll see. :D

Everything goes blurry when the sorcerer attacks. Merlin slows down time and can see as the spell being cast is heading Arthur’s way. Merlin, Arthur, and the foreign sorcerer are in the forest. The sorcerer had caught them on their way back from a hunt. It didn’t look planned but there were many in the magical world who wanted the legacy of Uther wiped from existence. As usual it is Merlin’s turn to save Arthur, so without thinking about it he plunges forwards to push Arthur out of the way. The sorcerer must have noticed what Merlin is doing and moves the trajectory of the spell. Merlin is fast enough to push Arthur out of the way but not fast enough to move himself out of the way. The spell pushes the air out of his lungs and he’s thrown against a tree. Before he can retaliate he notices the sorcerer is gone.

“Merlin!” He hears Arthur’s voice in the distance. He knows the king is right there but he feels so far away. The ringing in his ears isn’t helping.

“ ‘m fine…” Merlin mumbles and brings his hand to his ears.

“You don’t look fine. What did he do? Was that a curse? Or did it just throw you away?” Arthur asks and Merlin feels like he’s going to throw up.

“I don’t know, how should I know!” Merlin mumbles in annoyance. He just wants the ringing to go away.

“Idiot. You shouldn’t have done that.” Arthur says gently as he kneels to check Merlin for any possible physical wounds.

“He was about to…I don’t know…kill you or curse you or whatever. You’re the king.”

“You don’t have to stand in my place, you know. It isn’t your job.” Arthur says. Merlin hears a hint of anger there but it might just be the ringing.

“It is.” Merlin replies simply and Arthur sighs as if giving up.

The ride home is quiet. Well, quiet for Arthur but not for Merlin as the ringing in his ears just keeps increasing.

Arthur helps Merlin up to Gaius to let him get checked out.

“What do you think the sorcerer did?” Arthur asks Gaius.

“Unfortunately sire, there is no way to know, unless you remember the exact words he said. The only way we’ll know is to see Merlin’s behaviour, if it has changed. Then we’ll know whether he was cursed or not. If nothing changes we can presume it was just to get him out of the way.” Gaius says.

Arthur stands in the doorway watching Merlin. Merlin can tell he doesn’t know what to do.

“Arthur, you’ve got duties to attend to. I’ll be fine.” Merlin says, as if the king needed permission to do his job.

“I’ll be back to check on you. Perhaps this will teach you to not be such an idiot.” Arthur says and turns away.

“But I doubt it.” They both say once they’re out of each other’s hearing distance.

“Merlin, do you remember what the sorcerer said?” Gaius looks at him.

“No. It all went so quickly. The spell was aimed at Arthur and I slowed down time to push him out of the way, but the sorcerer must have noticed, which means he’s powerful, so he aimed a spell at me. But I couldn’t hear it properly.” Merlin explains.

“How’s the ringing?” Gaius asks as he places a cloth at the front and back of Merlin’s head.

“Not as bad as in the forest, but still ever present.” Merlin grumbles.

“I think the best you can do at the moment is to rest.” Gaius instructs and Merlin doesn’t really mind such form of treatment.

When he wakes up it’s dawn and the ringing in his ears has stopped. A smile forms on his lips and he walks over to Arthur’s chambers to wake him up.

“Goooood morning sire! It is a beautiful day isn’t it?” Merlin says as he draws open the curtains.

Sounds of grumbling come from Arthur’s bed but that’s all, so Merlin walks over and takes down the large blanket, leaving just a thin sheet over Arthur. Perhaps the cold air will wake the king up.

“Merlin! It can’t possibly be morning already.” Arthur looks over at him with a glare.

“But it is.” Merlin smiles.

“Why are you grinning like that? It’s annoying.” Arthur grumbles and Merlin smirks.

“All the more reason to do it, sire. Besides, it’s a good day because that god-awful ringing in my ears is gone.” Merlin explains.

Arthur sits up at that.

“So…no side effects?” Arthur asks.

“None that I can see or feel.” Merlin says.

“Well, let’s not dismiss it yet, alright? If you begin to feel…strange let me know. And Gaius.” Arthur says and the two of them begin their morning routine.

Merlin chatters about castle gossip as he nibbles on Arthur’s breakfast pieces he doesn’t like. Arthur talks about Merlin’s incapabilities as a servant. The usual day.

It’s only half way through the day that Merlin begins to feel…different.

Merlin walks into Gaius’ quarters for lunch and as he’s about to sit down a plate full of food flies towards him from the large bowl.

Merlin’s eyes widen and so do Gaius’.

“Merlin! Have you lost your mind? The door is open! Anyone could have seen you.” Gaius berates.

“But…but…that wasn’t me! Well…I don’t think it was…” Merlin says in defence but he isn’t so sure about it himself.

When Merlin enters Arthur’s chambers to do his usual cleaning he notices Arthur is gone. He must be on the training field. But before he can do anything the mop begins to mop up the floor, the duster begins to dust the closet, the clothes begin to fold themselves, and the leftover breakfast and lunch cleans itself. Merlin just stands there.

“What…” Merlin says.

This time he is certain it was him. But not him. It was definitely his magic, he could feel it leaving him, the way it always does when uses it. But he wasn’t trying to do any magic. It all just did it by itself. This is not good.

He runs to Gaius’ to let him know and unsurprisingly Gaius is ready to lock Merlin in his rooms for his own protection.

“I’m not going to hurt myself or anyone Gaius.” Merlin says.

“I know that! That’s not what I’m worried about. Or have you forgotten the laws of Camelot?” Gaius asks.

Merlin sighs. It definitely wouldn’t be good if Arthur saw him doing magic. He’d been wanting to tell the king for so long but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. There were too many possibilities of how he would react that he didn’t think he could take it.

“Well I can’t avoid Arthur. You know how he is. He gets cranky when he doesn’t see me for five minutes.” Merlin says and starts his walk to Arthur’s chambers. Apparently his magic thought that was lame and transported him there.

When Merlin looks around he desperately hopes that Arthur isn’t there and thankfully he isn’t.

The next few days go by in the same fashion. His magic ‘helps’ him without asking but never in Arthur’s presence. Unfortunately, Merlin can feel the strength of his magic rising. He brought about a rainfall just because he heard one of the villages was suffering from a mini-drought. The rainfall was only in that village, nowhere else. Arthur did question it but wasn’t about to stare a gift-horse in the mouth.

By the end of the week Merlin is not only exhausted from trying to keep his magic inside but also mentally exhausted from worrying that he will be found out. No matter how many books he’s read he found no cure or counter-curse. He even tried summoning the sorcerer but didn’t manage.

“Alright, Merlin. You’ve been acting weird ever since we got back from the forest. What’s wrong?” Arthur enters the chambers where Merlin is cleaning up, manually thankfully, the table. It’s purely through willpower that the magic isn’t helping him.

He grits his teeth and plasters on a care-free smile.

“What do you mean? I’m fine.” Merlin says.

“No, you’re not. You’re gritting your teeth so hard that they’ll all probably fall out soon. You’re as pale as a sheet yet somehow also as red as a tomato, I didn’t think that was possibly. You look like you’re constantly overworking your mind, more so than usually anyways. And you are about to break the bones in your fingers the way that you are clenching your fists. I don’t call that fine.” Arthur says in annoyance.

Then all hell breaks loose. Well, it doesn’t actually, but it feels like it does. The windows open suddenly shattering the glass. The candles glow higher and so does the fire. Everything in the room begins to sparkle with cleanliness. But then the clothes in Arthur’s closet fly out onto the floor. The weather outside manages to change seasons within two seconds. And a swirl of wind comes into the chambers, not strong enough to whisk anyone away but definitely a strong one. At least it’s warm.

Merlin’s eyes are closed though he can feel all of this happening around him. He concentrates on making it stop. But apparently his magic thinks ignoring him is the way to go. He tightens his jaw and he digs his fingernails so hard into his hands he can feel blood spilling down. He can feel the magic trying to push itself out of him, and it is, but not all of it. Who knows what would happening if it all did.

“I can’t stop it. I can’t stop it. It won’t…I can’t stop it!” Merlin yells and looks around in despair. He puts a protective shield over Arthur just in case some of the flying objects decide to make their way towards Arthur.

He finally looks at Arthur. Arthur’s face is paler than he has ever seen it. There’s fear in his eyes and something else, something Merlin can’t quite describe.

Merlin can feel his magic tugging at him, as if he were about to transported, like that one time. Before he is he looks straight at Arthur.

“I’m sorry.” He mouths and then he’s gone.

When he opens his eyes he’s surrounded by trees. As he’s trying to figure out where he is he’s transported again. This time he’s by the seaside. He’d never seen the sea. Was transportation like this something he was always able to do or was it the curse the sorcerer had placed on him? Now he finds himself standing on an empty road. There’s a loud noise and a large, fast object passes by. He doesn’t recognize it. Perhaps an invention of a different far-away kingdom? And then he’s standing in a foreign room. He gasps as he recognizes the two men sitting on the chairs. He recognizes their faces not their manner of clothing nor the room they seem to be occupying which is filled with all sorts of unknown objects.

“Arthur?” Merlin says and the two men turn to him. It’s Arthur and…himself. Another Merlin. The two men look at him in confusion but then the other Merlin seems to figure it out.

“Oh Merlin. I had forgotten. I am sorry for what has happened, as I am sorry for Arthur. But, if there are any words that I can tell you, those would be, don’t give up hope.” The other Merlin says with sadness in his eyes.

“Is that…?” This strange Arthur asks.

But before he can hear anything else he finds himself on top of a snowing mountain. He immediately begins to shiver and his magic warms him. Then he’s on a ship. Then he’s flying. He can see the large vast lands from up here. He can feel his magic loosening its tight grip, as if it was growing tired. Merlin himself is growing tired and dizzy from all this hopping. And then his magic spits him back out into the forest. The forest where it all began. He lays there for two minutes, waiting for his magic to move him again but it’s slowly slithering back inside of him. He can feel himself regaining control over it.

“Are you done?” Merlin asks into the empty air. He knows it’s stupid, it’s not like his magic can answer him.

Getting up he looks around to see where he is. He had thought it was the same forest as before but perhaps it isn’t. Using his magic, thankfully under his control, he looks forward and realizes he’s too far from Camelot to walk without any supplies, as there are no villages on the way.

“Of course.” Merlin sighs.

“How on earth am I going to explain this to Arthur? I guess I could blame it on the sorcerer. It is his fault after all that my magic went haywire. I could just say that the sorcerer used me as a vessel to wreck havoc…or something.” Merlin sighs. Every time he comes with these excuses he feels like he’s getting further away from telling Arthur the truth. But how could he tell him the truth? He could still see his face, the fear and anger.

After nearly half a day of trying he figures out how to transport himself back to Camelot.

He can’t help but let a laugh escape as he realizes he managed to transport himself.

“Arthur! I’m back!” Merlin laughs.

Arthur drops his armour and stares wide-eyed.

“Arthur!” Merlin smiles.

Arthur is paler than when Merlin had transported away. His smile drops. He’s probably going to have to explain what just happened. The question is, uncomfortable truth or safer lie?

“Are..are you a ghost? A wraith?” Arthur asks stepping away from Merlin. Merlin frowns.

“Um…no? Interesting, no one’s ever asked me that before.”

“Who are you?” Arthur asks.

“An idiot manservant?” Merlin laughs nervously because he has no idea what’s going on.

“My manservants name is Jonahir.” Arthur stays though his voice breaks halfway through.

“Okay, Arthur, what’s going on?” Merlin asks. It is then that he realizes that something is off about the room.

“Where’s the other chair? Did it get destroyed?” Merlin asks. He was quite fond of that chair as it was the one he usually sat on. Arthur had asked for a cushion to be placed on it, making excuses that it was for Arthur himself if he ever wanted to use that chair. He never did.

Arthur doesn’t answer.

“And what on earth are those dreadful curtains? What happened to your old red ones?” Merlin stares at the black ones currently there.

Arthur doesn’t answer, just stares.

“Hello? Arthur? I feel like I’m missing something here.” Merlin asks.

“This…this isn’t possible. You can’t be here.” Arthur says quietly. Merlins face saddens. Arthur knows that it was really him doing the magic. Maybe there’s still time to salvage it.

“Well obviously I am here. Go ahead and banish me, and I’ll still be here. You’d be bored without me and you know it.” Merlin says trying to stay light. Merlin sees pain in Arthur’s eyes. The king slowly steps towards him and with one finger touches his skin. Arthur recoils and Merlin frowns.

“What is that?” Merlin asks pointing at the extra ring on Arthur’s hand. Arthur looks down.

“My ring.” Arthur replies simply.

“Usually you only wear the ruling ring. What’s that one?” Merlin asks.

“My wedding ring.” Arthur frowns.

“I’m sorry what?” Merlin asks in surprise.

Arthur frowns in confusion.

“I was gone for less than half a day and you got married while I was gone? How is that even…I didn’t even know you liked someone…” Merlin says and can’t help but feeling jealous. He clamps down on those feelings. He had gotten quite good at ignoring his feelings for Arthur. He knew that one day the king would find a woman he loved and marry her but he thought he would have time to prepare. He definitely didn’t think the king would hide it from him and use the opportunity of him being gone to get married.

Arthur frowns in confusion, again.

“I’ve been married for two years now, to Guinevere.” Arthur says.

Then it hits Merlin. The thing that was worrying him the most. The fact that Arthur had a small beard. It was barely visible but definitely not something one could grow in a day.

“Oh no no no…no….Arthur…Arthur, how long have I been gone?” Merlin asks his voice cracking halfway through.

“Three years, two weeks and three days.” Arthur answers and Merlin throws up.

“What? That’s not…I was gone for only a few hours! That’s not…how is that possible!” Merlin begins to yell and he can feel himself hyperventilating.

“Merlin, breathe.” Arthur says. It’s the first semi-calm thing the king has said. The king who is married. His king who is married. At least he’s married to Guinevere, he can take solace in that. Knowing that Guinevere is queen.

“Oh my god, Gwen is the queen. And I’ve been gone for three years. I’ve been gone for three years.” Merlin keeps saying.

Arthur comes towards Merlin and hugs him. It’s awkward, partially because it’s never happened before. It’s also short but it definitely helps Merlin calm down.

“I thought…we thought you were dead.” Arthur says. Merlin closes his eyes. Up until now he hadn’t thought about what it must have been like for the others. Gaius, the father he never head and his mentor. Gwen, his dearest friend. The knights, his wonderful companions. And…Arthur. His beloved king.

“My mother!” Merlin suddenly exclaims.

“She was at your memorial.” Arthur says and Merlin winces. He has to let her know he’s alive. What if she isn’t alive anymore? Oh no, what if Gaius isn’t alive anymore?

“Is Gaius…” Merlin begins but doesn’t know how to asks. Arthur seems to know where he’s going.

“He is with us though much more frail then he used to be.” Arthur says sadly.

“I have to tell him and send a letter to mother and…” Merlin begins but a strong hand stops him.

“No. Not yet.” Arthur says.

“What?”

“What happened?” Arthur asks and Merlin looks away. In all of this he had forgotten what had even begun this terrible event. He sighs. How could he possibly lie to Arthur now? After all that has happened?

“Do you remember the sorcerer in the woods? He placed a curse on me I believe. It made my…it made my…” Merlin can’t bring himself to say the ‘m’ word.

“Just say it Merlin.” Arthur says gently.

“It made my magic go crazy. Whatever it was made sure I couldn’t control it, it grew and grew until eventually it starting transporting me to all these different places, and then eventually it spit me back out in the forest. So I got myself here. But all of this only took half a day! Not three years!” Merlin says, tears falling down his face.

There is sadness in Arthur’s eyes. Not the fear and anger he had seen when he disappeared. Just sadness and perhaps regret.

“I wish I could make time turn, change it, stop it. But I can’t. Not even the great Emrys.” Merlin sobs.

“I don’t wish you could make time turn.” Arthur says and Merlin’s head rises and he frowns. So, even now he will banish him or sentence him to death. Perhaps it won’t be as bad. After all, Camelot has already moved on from him.

“I wish all of this never happened but I don’t wish you turned time because…because I don’t know what I would’ve done in reaction to seeing your…magic.” Arthur says and there’s shame on his face.

“I would like to say that I would’ve accepted you, protected you, but the truth is…I don’t know what I would’ve done. I was so angry Merlin. Do you want to know why Merlin?” Arthur asks though Merlin knows it’s a rhetorical question. He actually doesn’t want to know mostly because he already knows.

“Because I didn’t tell you the truth. Because I didn’t place my trust in you. Because I had hurt you. Because I had disappointed you—“ Merlin begins listing all the things.

“Yes. And so much more. I sent out a search party. But this search party wasn’t going to end in a wonderful reunion. It would end in…” Arthur begins but stops at the end, gritting his teeth.

“In my death, or at the very least terrible words spat in my face and banishment?” Merlin finishes for him.

Arthur takes a deep breath.

“I searched for you because I wanted answers, I wanted to yell at you, I wanted to punch you, I wanted you to tell me why, why me. But then I couldn’t anymore. I called them off.” Arthur explains.

Merlin doesn’t say anything.

“Gaius told me everything. About you. All that he knows anyways.” Arthur says. This doesn’t surprise Merlin.

“And this…this is the reason why, as painful as these years have been, I am happy that you cannot turn back time because I…I am a different man now Merlin.” Arthur says. It almost feels like Arthur is apologizing to him instead of the other way around.

“Arthur…you had every right to be angry.”

“And you see? That’s the thing. I would have truly lost you because if indeed I had…I had put you on a pyre you wouldn’t have saved yourself. Your loyalty to me is…something I never quite understood. But I am a different man now Merlin. I have had time to process…you. Who you are. In more ways than one. And I could never, ever do something like that to you. Never. You are the bravest man I have ever had the privilege of knowing Merlin.” Arthur says. It feels like the last part was very difficult for Arthur to say and it’s probably what brings Merlin to tears.

They stand there in silence, Merlin sobbing and Arthur smiling sadly.

“I feel like I should tell Gaius that I am alive.” Merlin says.

“He might have a heart attack…” Arthur says worriedly.

“You didn’t have one.” Merlin says.

“Yes, well I wasn’t far from one and I am younger.” Arthur says.

“Well maybe you can go in and announce me?” Merlin says.

“Who do you think I am! A servant?” Arthur exclaims and Merlin laughs. They’ve been separated, well at least Arthur has, for three years yet their banter has not changed. Apparently it’s infectious and Arthur joins in the laughing.

There’s a knock at the door. Arthur, mid-laugh calls out enter.

Merlin’s still half-laughing when Guinevere enters.

Her eyes nearly pop out when she sees Merlin.

“Oh…yeah…Guinevere, Merlin is alive.” Arthur says. Merlin sighs. Arthur wasn’t always a smooth talker when it came to certain things.

“But…how…what…how…” Gwen starts and stops.

“All very good questions Gwen. It does have a really long story. Part of that story is the fact that from my perception I was only gone for half a day, whereas, as I found out, for you I have been gone three years.” Merlin explains.

“And two weeks and three days.” Arthur adds unnecessarily. Merlin grins, realizing now that Arthur has been counting each day that he’s not seen Merlin.

“Gwen? I promise I will explain everything in detail, if you wish. We were about to go tell Gaius, would you like to join us?” Merlin asks. Arthur coughs.

“Hm?” Merlin looks at the king.

“Oh….right…My lady, if you would like to accompany us?” Merlin says, it feels really strange in his mouth.

“Oh, don’t call me that Merlin, it’s strange.”

“Thank you.” Merlin sighs in relief and Gwen smiles brightly.

“I guess I should say congratulations?” Merlin asks.

Gwen frowns.

“Well you’re the queen…and all that.” Merlin waves around awkwardly, still not comfortable with accepting Arthur as being married.

Gwen smiles lightly.

Arthur knocks on Gaius’ door and enters. Merlin stays behind, not wanting to give his mentor a fright.

“Gaius, I have wonderful news.”

“Sire? What is it?” Gaius asks as he brews a potion.

“You will probably not believe me but…Merlin is alive.” Arthur says with a smile.

Gaius’ eyebrows skyrocket, higher than they’ve ever gone before.

“How do you know?” Gaius asks skeptically, probably not wanting to get his hopes up.

“Because I’ve been talking to him for the past hour and he’s the same infuriating manservant as he always has been.” Arthur says and Merlin walks in. Arthur was right, Gaius does seem more frail and paler than he was before.

“Merlin?” Gaius says as if he couldn’t believe his eyes.

“It’s me Gaius, it really is. My magic forced me out but I’m back. I was only gone for half a day, I swear Gaius, but when I was hopping from place to place I believe I might have travelled in time as well. I don’t know how. But I’m back now.” Merlin smiles and hugs his mentor because he looks like he needs it.

“Oh my boy. I thought I had failed you.” Gaius says and there are tears in his eyes.

It doesn’t take long and all of Camelot becomes aware of Merlin’s return. Rumors spread across the castle as to his disappearance, and the further they get the more outlandish they become.

The knights give him a proper welcome, that is one with some good strong mead.

He walks home alone. He wanders in a happy mood through the castle and nearly runs into two women, each holding a baby.

“Oh no! You must be careful, you wouldn’t want something to happen to the heirs to the throne.” One of the women says.

Merlin is about to continue when he stops in his tracks.

“What? The heirs to the throne?” He asks, slowly sobering up.

“Yes. The king and queens children?” The other woman explains as if talking to a particularly dumb child.

He stares at the babies but their gone within moments. He could see it in their faces, he could see Arthur in them, even at such a young age.

He begins to run and finds himself in a clearing by the forest. Arthur has children. Arthur has a wife with whom he had children. There’s a rustle of leaves behind him and then he sees Arthur standing there.

“What are you doing here? It’s the middle of the night.” Merlin asks.

“I could ask you the same thing….Are you…leaving?” Arthur asks.

“What? No. Why would I leave? Especially, without any equipment or food?” Merlin asks.

“Well you have done stupider things before.” Arthur tries to defend himself.

“Arthur, I’m not going anywhere, you know that right?” Merlin tries to reassure Arthur but perhaps he’s trying to reassure himself. This Camelot feels so foreign to him.

“I just needed air.”

“So you quickly ran across the courtyard into a clearing…to get air? In the middle of the night?” Arthur asks dubiously.

“You were watching me?” Merlin asks curiously.

“No.” Arthur answers immediately.

“I was just looking out the window when I saw you run, that’s all.” Arthur explains.

“You have children.” Merlin says.

Arthur sighs.

“I was going to tell you.” Arthur says.

“I know.”

“I just didn’t want you to be too overwhelmed by any changes.” Arthur explains.

“Of which there are many apparently.” Merlin says sadly.

“Any more I should know about? Any more that I’m going to run into?” Merlin says angrily.

“Why are you angry Merlin? What did you expect, that our lives would stop? That everything would be exactly as you left it?” Arthur asks angrily.

“Yes!” Merlin yells out and then closes his eyes.

“I’m sorry. No, of course not.” Merlin calms down.

“I had to move on Merlin, I couldn’t stay in that dark place. I had to move on from you. Besides, why are you angry about me having children? About me being married?” Arthur asks.

“I’m not.” Merlin lies.

“What lie have you got for me now, Merlin?” Arthur asks bitterly.

“I thought we were passed that!…Besides, there are some secrets that I am entitled to.” Merlin says.

“You are right, I apologize.” Arthur says.

“Though, to answer your previous question, there are some things you don’t know. Magic is no longer banned.” Arthur says and Merlin’s mouth drops open, and stays that way for quite a while.

“After about a year after you disappeared, magic became legal, with protective measures of course, but yes. I suppose you can thank yourself for that. I thought that maybe you had disappeared because you were afraid and so maybe if I allowed it you would come back to me…Plus, I had been thinking a lot about magic and saw that it was not the kind of evil my father painted it to be.” Arthur explains.

Arthur released the ban on magic in Camelot for Merlin. Merlin’s heart swelled. It was not helping his situation.

Merlin meets up with Gwen, Queen Guinevere the next day.

She asks for an explanation and he gives it to her. It’s a conversation full of tears and hugs, and Merlin is happy to see his friend. In fact he’s proud of her for becoming this powerful force in the ruling of this kingdom.

“You know you didn’t have to congratulate me Merlin.” Gwen says.

“Why not?” Merlin asks.

“I know you don’t want me to be queen.”

“What? I think you’re the best queen Camelot could have!” Merlin says.

“Thank you! I guess I should have worded that differently. I know you don’t want me to be Arthur’s wife.”

Merlin looks away.

“What? Why would you say such a thing?” Merlin asks nervously.

“I think everyone knows, perhaps except for Arthur, that you…you know…have feelings for the king?” Gwen says.

“No I don’t.” Merlin says.

“Merlin. It’s alright. You laid claim on his heart long before I did. I never even came close to claiming it. And that’s fine. My heart has always been with Lancelot, still is, and Arthur knows this. But he needed a queen and he was in a terrible place Merlin, you cannot even imagine.” Gwen says sadly.

It was strange having his feelings laid bare in front of someone. He had never told a soul about his feelings. More people knew about his magic than about his feelings for Arthur.

“Does Lancelot know about your feelings?” Merlin asks trying to move the subject away from himself.

“Yes. You know how loyal he is.” Gwen smiles.

“I can put my feelings aside Gwen. You are my friend and I believe you will be the best queen, especially standing beside Arthur.” Merlin says, trying to believe that it could be that easy.

“But it’s not just your feelings Merlin. It’s Arthur’s as well. The speech he gave at your….memorial? It came from the heart, from the heart of someone who was grieving his love, Merlin. You make him a better man and I don’t know why neither one of you can see it, but it is plain as day to me and I am sure many others.” Gwen says.

“What are you saying Gwen?” Merlin is shaking at this point.

“I think you know what I’m saying.”

“Well it’s too late now. It doesn’t matter.” Merlin says.

“Why is it too late? You came back from the dead, so to speak, so don’t squander your opportunity.”

“No, I mean, you’re his wife Gwen, or have you forgotten? I sure haven’t.” Merlin says bitterly.

“Oh…um…Arthur and I have a sort of…arrangement…” Gwen blushes as she says this and Merlin raises his eyebrow.

“It’s complicated. In any case, Lancelot and I are together, but I am Arthur’s queen and mother of his children.” Gwen says and Merlin looks at her in surprise.

Merlin leaves Gwen to go to his room and ponder all that he has heard. His head is pounding from all of this and his heart is racing with all the possibilities. Is it possible that Arthur maybe shares some of his feelings? But it’s Arthur. How could Arthur feel something for him?

He finds himself lost in thought walking towards Arthur’s chambers. He hasn’t started back in his job but he hasn’t been back for a long time. He lights the fire and cleans up the room, then takes a seat in the missing chair. He smiles when he sees it. The cushion is still there.

He must have been so deep in thought because when he comes back to the sun is down and Arthur is staring at him.

“How long have you been standing there?” Merlin asks.

“A long time. I guess I’m still not used to the fact that you’re alive and back with me.” Arthur smiles.

“Arthur, I have to tell you something.” Merlin suddenly says.

“Alright, can you tell me while undressing me and giving me a bath? I got back from training and the chainmail is heavy and sweaty.” Arthur says.

“That probably wouldn’t be a good idea, seeing as I don’t know how you will react.” Merlin blushes at the thought of a naked Arthur. He’s seen him in that sense many times before but somehow this would be different.

“Alright, at least help me get some of these things off me.” Arthur asks and Merlin nods.

Arthur stands up and Merlin begins to take pieces of protective gear off of him. It’s a slow process or maybe he’s just nervous. He stands in front of Arthur, un-tightening the buckles and he can feel Arthur’s breath on him. Soon he realizes all the gear is off, Arthur is just standing there in his britches and shirt, but neither one of them seems able to move. Merlin listens to Arthur’s heavy breathing and swallows. His heart races and he licks his lips.

Arthur leans in and gently kisses his lips, leaving enough space for Merlin to decide whether he wants this or not. Of course, Merlin had made up his mind years ago. He leans in and takes Arthur’s lips and Arthur becomes progressively rougher. It’s like they’ve both hungered for this and now finally they get their reward.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you.” Merlin mumbles.

“I always knew there was something about you Merlin, something that would make my life harder but also better. You are indeed infuriating.” Arthur mumbles and returns to kissing every possible part of Merlin’s body he can. Merlin doesn’t protest, who would.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


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